Place the softened cream cheese, mayonnaise, chopped roasted red pepper, fresh parsley, and grated cheddar cheese into the bowl of a food processor.

Pulse the machine repeatedly until the ingredients are completely integrated into a thick, cohesive, beautifully speckled spread.

Season the spread aggressively with kosher salt and coarse black pepper to taste. Transfer to a small crystal or ceramic serving bowl and set aside.

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line a heavy metal baking sheet with a Silpat liner or parchment paper.

Using a sharp chef's knife, carefully remove the thick, fibrous center stems from the kale leaves. Tear the leafy greens into uniform, bite-sized pieces.

Wash the torn kale thoroughly and pat completely bone-dry with paper towels or spin in a salad spinner. (Any residual water will steam the kale in the oven, preventing it from crisping).

Place the dry kale leaves into a large mixing bowl. Drizzle with the extra virgin olive oil and use your hands to massage the oil deeply into the leaves.

Sprinkle generously with coarse sea salt, black pepper, and the optional red pepper flakes.

Arrange the kale in a single, even layer on the prepared baking sheet, ensuring the leaves do not overlap.

Bake in the preheated oven until the edges are browned and shatteringly crisp, but not burnt, about 12 to 18 minutes.

Allow the kale chips to cool on the pan for 2 minutes to fully crisp up before serving immediately alongside the roasted red pepper spread.